And I shall follow that rant with a cat photo. Because I can.

Proud to be feckless

I keep reading "expert" articles on how we're supposed to use social media. These days, you can't close your eyes and swing a dead fish without stinking up 50 of them.

Take Twitter, for example. Apparently, we're all doing it wrong. If we follow too few people, there's no possible way we're getting anything out of it. No, wait, if we follow too many people, there's no way we can keep up. And if we don't follow everyone who follows us, we're snobs. (Not to mention clueless as regards the networking potential of social media.) Of course, if we follow everyone who follows us, we're sheep. Don't let your page go stale, tweet often! Don't tweet too much, it's annoying! Don't use via, use RT. Don't use RT, use via. And don't even get me started on all the "expert" commentary I see regarding content and what it should and shouldn't consist of.

And were you aware that we're all supposed to be using social networking aggregators? Because, um, well, I don't know why, actually. I have yet to see a definitive reason for it. But it's apparently vital.

It's also vital that we keep a consistent look and feel across all social media platforms. For the sake of our brands. Right, I know you don't actually have your own business--we're talking about your PERSONAL BRAND. Because apparently, even admin assistants in Goose Shit, Idaho should take their PERSONAL BRANDS very seriously, making sure to manage and optimize their public perception.

And speaking of public perception, I read just a couple of days ago that we shouldn't be using Twitpic or other photo sharing services. Apparently, they don't come across as professional enough and are damaging to our PERSONAL BRANDS.

Let me clear something up for you.

Very few of us actually have to worry about our PERSONAL BRANDS. Most of us--as long as we respect The Power Of The Google and remember that the things we share are not only forever, but public and searchable--are

SUPER

DUPER

EXTRA

FUCKING

FREE

TO

USE

SOCIAL

MEDIA

HOWEVER

THE

FUCK

WE

WANT.

Seriously. Do whatever you want, however you want to do it. Have fun. The only rule is THERE ARE NO RULES.

I don't know if anyone else has noticed, but outside their legal terms of service, there are no rules regarding how Twitter should be implemented posted at twitter.com. There aren't even any suggestions. There's only one prompt, and trust me, no one gets their knickers in a twist if you ignore it. And for good reason. Shutting the fuck up and allowing people outside the Twitter factory--regular, everyday people with fresh eyes, fresh minds, and needs that never even occurred to their development team--to use the tool in the way that serves them best results in growth.

Real interactive experts don't tell people what to do. They hand over the tools, shut their mouths, and watch what happens.

They're not Yahoo!, they're YOUhoo!

It's more than an advertising campaign! They have a vision! A vision about YOU! They're going to make your life meaningful!

That kind of ridiculous, self-aggrandizing drivel is the primary reason I can't stand to work in interactive anymore.

I'd tell you I don't think I've ever seen a bigger bunch of buzzspeaky bullshit, but that would be a lie. I see it everywhere I look. In fact, I see pretty much nothing but buzzspeaky bullshit anymore.

You know why execs shovel bullshit? There's one reason. Because they don't know what they're doing.

(P.S. How much do I love that she inadvertently wrote "pull back" instead of "raise" the curtain? Way to reference The! Great! And! Powerful! Oz!, Ms. Steele!)

(P.P.S. I dare you to make it through the brown-nosing conga line in the comments without horking up your breakfast.)

A little Food Porn on Hump Day (coff)

Even though I'm dieting, I still have to cook for Husband, who does not diet. Husband eats like a fucking lumberjack, as a matter of fact. (And still wears a 31" waist. Did I mention he never works out? Please feel free to hate him.)

Fortunately, Husband does not care for sweets, so I don't have to keep any in the house. That would be awfully difficult, because I don't have a whole hell of a lot of willpower around a donut. Donuts and avocados, they are my Achilles heel(s).

Anyway. Night before last, I made Husband a big, fat meatloaf. I've been using the same recipe for years; it's at allrecipes.com, and it's called The Best Meatloaf I've Ever Made, and ding-danged if it ain't. I only alter it a little--I double the garlic, I add a couple pinches of cayenne, I use two full tablespoons of Worchestershire, I use 1/3 cup of chopped (rather than minced) onion, I only use a tablespoon of milk, and I add a small sploodge of spicy mustard to the tomato sauce/ketchup mix that's poured over the top near the end.

The next time you get the urge for meatloaf, give this recipe a try. Seriously. It is heavenly.

In other news, I'm dying to have dinner here. DYING, I TELL YOU. Sigh.

Three awesome words to hear: It's not lupus

After six weeks of doctor appointments and tests, we finally have some conclusions. I have asthma, stomach ulcers, and severely shredded/inflamed tendons in my hips.

That doesn't sound so nice, I realize, but considering what we ruled out as regards the hip pain, I am over the moon. Especially considering we can control it with cortisone shots and Pilates.

A number of recent symptoms are being caused by my fibromyalgia (which I've had for over a decade). Now that I'm in a less extreme climate, and now that my stress levels are down a bit, I can hope for some improvement in that area.

Also, I lost five pounds my first week in Weight Watchers! Yay!

More good news: my best friend is coming to visit next week and Lying Sack Of Shit Jonny was auffed from Project Runway.

Now if I could just win a million dollars from Publisher's Clearing House, my week would be complete!

:-)